Why I (not so) Secretly Enjoy Off the Map S01 E06

 

"I charge for house calls upfront, so give me my damn drugs."

 

I’m still trying to figure out why I like Off the Map. Every episode there are moments where I catch myself thinking that it’s better than Grey’s Anatomy, but then I have to mentally flagellate myself for watching either of these shows in  the first place.

Every book-reading, art film-watching bone in my body tells me that I shouldn’t watch this. I know the plots are completely unfathomable, and I know that increased viewership of shows like this encourages networks to produce more clones, but I can’t stop watching. I realize that this is the type of show that specifically panders to the working woman who can’t watch soaps during the day and maybe only has time for a couple new episodes a week, but Off the Map, I just can’t quit you.

Here is a list of things that cause me to rationalize my viewing:

  1. The mild surge of adrenaline I feel when the clinic’s drug supply is robbed by South American banditos and the recovering-addict doctor has to buy heroin from some jungle thugs to be used as a makeshift anesthetic for the patient with the ruptured appendix. I mean, really! Who comes up with these plotlines and where do I sign-up?
  2. The consoling fact that I am supporting women in the arts (LOL) since many of the writers and producers of Off the Map are women (though IMDb suggest that are an equivalent number are men, I maintain that all the important people are ladies).
  3. DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA. I get to watch hottie doctors having very serious and dramatic conversations with other doctors and patients. I know this isn’t how people talk in real life, but it’s making me become better at picking out the natural and unnatural phrasing in overly-dramatic monologues. Any show that makes me listen to and analyze speech patterns is something worth watching, despite a total lack of believability in either the narrative or the characters.
  4. My Spanish is improving.

In any case, I plan to continue watching sexy doctor shows until the season finales, but take heart: I will seriously consider dropping Desperate Housewives from the roster. Stay tuned!

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