I love puns, but what I also love is Dan and Blair. This is the couple I’ve hoped for on Gossip Girl. Every twisted Serena plotline, every tedious double entendre between Rufus and Lily, every patented Chuck grimace–all I’ve ever wanted was Dan and Blair. I have suffered, loyal readers, through every far-fetched scheme, through every jaunt to Europe, and through every single frame of wee tortured Jenny’s raccoon eye make-up. Thank you Gossip Girl writers, your masochistic desire to see every protagonist sleep with every other protagonist will finally be worth it. This is the stuff dreams are made of.
But really, in the context of Gossip Girl, I do think Dan and Blair make sense as a couple. Gossip Girl is a show that’s long been lambasted for its myriad inconsistencies. Serena’s character is rightly regarded as the most contradictory character. Sometimes she’s effervescent and hilarious, other times she’s needy and cold. Her tempestuous mood swings aren’t the result of undiagnosed mental problems–no, Serena is just an incredibly poorly-written character.
Blair, however, is the Queen of Consistency. She schemes, and then she learns valuable life lessons from the subsequent implosion of her schemes. If Blair is caught in an infinite loop of subterfuge, well, at least she’s consistent. Despite her scheming, Blair is also cannily smart. If I had to choose the three most intelligent characters on this show, it’d have to be Blair, Dan, and everyone’s little brother, Erik van der Woodsen (although he’s had his share of drug troubles these days).
When you think about the few predictable behaviors we’ve come to associate with Blair and Dan, they have a little more in common than a love of film. Both characters tend to be problem solvers; Serena creates a chaotic situation, and either Blair or Dan resolves it. Both are highly pretentious, but knowingly so. Blair quickly adopts Dan’s moniker for her: she is a “dictator of taste,” sweetened to a self-proclaimed “arbiter of taste” in this episode. Dan has also unwittingly begun to display some aggressive Blair tactics. This week he brashly decides to bring his writing directly to the new editor at W. She just happens to be Blair Waldorf, and in a caustic scene between the two of them, we see that Dan is willing to claw his way to the top just like Blair.
If Blair is the sort of girl we want to be, then Dan is the guy we deserve to date. Forget pretty boy Nate Archibald or brooding, self-contained Chuck. Women who identify with Blair want her to finally get with the nice boy. The guy who gives Serena an inordinate amount of second chances before deciding he’s done being her doormat. The guy who punches Chuck fuckin’ Bass because he slept with her sister. We want Blair to be happy, and we want her to be happy with the good guy. Their aligned interests and common intellectual pursuits ensure that they’re a perfect match.
Besides, only a very special kind of guy offers to watch Rosemary’s Baby with you over the phone on Valentine’s Day: